we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
