i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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