I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You were trust falling into bushes
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
