My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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