I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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