my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
