that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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