at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
