how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
tell me about the fingering
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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