So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
