no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
