How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
