I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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