I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
