Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
