Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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