i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
