My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Boobs are out for the taking
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
