Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
