Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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