i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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