Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
