his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
