Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
