things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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