I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
