You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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