I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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