; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's always time for handjobs
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
