Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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