I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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