i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
