How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
