If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
