she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
