Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
