I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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