Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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