The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
