I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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