so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
