It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
