I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
