# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
