Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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