porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
