Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
