we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
