she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
