MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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