Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
