so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
