I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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