Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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