We're like a lot better than the average bears
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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