i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
