you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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