I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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