Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
