fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
