I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
