I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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