Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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