I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
