Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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